What you need right now is a friend with benefits...not a platonic relationship. You have enough friends. You don't need any more. Not right now. Right Now, you need a friend who can be more than a friend. A friend who understands that your friendship need not be limited to mere friendly conversations, watching DVDs together and running jokes. A friend who understand and shares your sensuality; your need for a physical, sexual and at times pseudo-romantic connection.
You're not looking for a long-term relationship. You don't need a "soul-mate". You've had those before and look where they've left you, still craving affection; needing to be held and caressed and cherished. Especially through this cold and lonely winter.
You know that a friendship without benefits is pointless. Especially as it pertains to friendships between a man and a woman. Because at some point there's going to be sexual tension and if that is not released and is allowed to build up then eventually the feelings which initially caused you to become friends will quickly turn to hate.
And hate is exactly what is bubbling inside of you when he rings your doorbell at half past 7. You have on a pair of baggy sweatpants with a v-neck white tee cut low enough to just show the black lace bra you're wearing underneath. He is dressed in a pair of loose-fitting jeans and a grey hoodie, holding a six pack of beer in one hand and the DVD rental pouch in the other.
You take the DVD pouch from him, go into the living room and pour the DVDs out on your coffee table. You sort through Cheech and Chong, Half-Baked, Friday, Next Friday and How High. Then you place Cheech and Chong into the DVD player and join him in the kitchen.
He knows exactly where you keep your cutting board and your special knife and is already chopping up some herbs when you get to the kitchen. You admire the muscles in his face and neck tensing as he separates the exact portions for each spliff, picking out seeds and stalks. You lick your lips gently as you hold a bud up to your nose and take a whiff. You feel yourself moisten as you take in the aroma. You don't know if it's the scent of the weed, your Chanel No.5 mixed with your pheromones or him, but it smells like sexual tension. You fight the urge to creep up behind him and gently caress that vein pulsing in his neck with your tongue because he has a knife and is probably quite paro and therefore quite hazardous.
So instead, you take the already separated portions of weed and start constructing spliffs. When you finish building, you both move to the sofa where the movie has already started. But this doesn't matter to you because you've seen this movie countless times. Plus it's only funny when your stoned. So you light up a joint and then pass the lighter to him. You watch as he sucks in the smoke and exhales slowly and you can't help wondering how good it would feel if he was sucking on you. He catches you staring at him and you quickly look away. Pretending you forgot to do something on the other side of the room.
By now your matching lace panties are soaking wet and you half consider going to the bathroom to take them off but you don't. Your mind races as the herbs trace a mystical path through your brain.
"You high?" he asks as he approaches you, he seems as if he's floating through the air. Your spliff ashes on your toe and you snap out of your trance. How long have you been standing at the window staring at the Full Moon? You don't even remember how you got there. It was almost as if the moon had called you there for consultation.
He shuts the window and asks if you aren't cold then you follow his gaze to your chest where your nipples are protruding as if searching for a signal. Your eyes make four then suddenly he moves away from you. Your nerves are all raw now as you feel him put a blanket around your shoulders and lead you back to the sofa. He relights your spliff and you lay there in his arms both puffing and watching Cheech and Chong.
This was every weekend for you. He would come over every Friday after work with ganja and DVDs and you'd watch them together on your couch, horny and high until you both got hungry and ordered pizza or Chinese food. But this weekend you swore to yourself it was going to be different. He wasn't going to draw you out this time. After all, he was basically taking up your "boyfriend time" and not fulfilling any "boyfriend duties".
Initially, he claimed that he didn't want to "ruin the friendship with sex" but you knew that was bullshit and it pissed you off. You knew it from the way he looked at you, the way he would practically undress you with his eyes when you were together. And you decided that this night you were finally going to take that leap. So you devised a plan, a plan to get him in your bed and sweating in your sheets. and if he still refused then he was simply gay, stupid or sending mixed signals and a waste of your time regardless.
So as the movie finishes and you begin to mellow out, you set your plan in motion.
In your bedroom, there is a bowl of chocolate covered strawberries, a bottle of jasmine massage oil from Thailand and a dozen vanilla scented candles already lit.
You figure all you have to do is wait until he is high enough, lure him into your lair and he's as good as yours.
You both sit, staring at the credits scrolling up the screen, you shift your head from its place on his broad chest and move your lips close to his ears. He has his spliff-tail behind his left ear where he normally keeps it. You smile, suck on his lobe then blow gently to dry it off.
He shifts away from you telling you to stop, it tickles. Unperturbed by his reaction you mount him, straddling his thighs. Then you take his face in both hands and stare deeply into his blood-shot eyes. His pupils are dilated. Telepathically you try to tell him how long you have been waiting for this moment. Then you kiss him; deeply and passionately. Sucking on his lower lip, tasting the residue of his spliff, savouring him. The kiss seems to last for a lifetime. You feel his hands caressing your phat ass as you grind your pelvis into his. You feel him harden in his jeans as you circle your tongue around his, taking time to lick his top and bottom lips gently before kissing him deeply once again.
The feeling growing within you is a mixture of excitement and anticipation. How often have you stared at him, imagining this very moment? You can't wait to take his clothes off and rub oil all over his back, retracing the lines of his lion tattoo.
Suddenly, he stands up, lifting you with him and carries you to the wall. Your legs are wrapped tightly around his waist as he sucks on your neck as if in search of nourishment. You let out a slight moan and lift your arms so that he can slip your shirt over your head. Then you unhook your bra and throw it on the ground.
Now he has both your breasts in his large hands and he's working them over slowly, stopping at intervals to rub his thumb over your nipples at times taking them between his index and thumb and twisting them gently then slipping them into his mouth.
Your nerves are on fire and you can feel moisture trickling down your legs, your panties are soaked. Just as you're thinking that this is the moment you've been waiting for for almost 6 months. He stops and puts you down. You can see his dick fighting for freedom in his jeans but there are traces of doubt in his eyes. Before he gets the chance to change his mind you get down on your knees, pull his belt and his zipper and let his jeans fall to the floor. You then manoeuvre his cock out of its silky confinement. You hold it hot and throbbing in your hands. Then you take it into your mouth and suck on it like you were puffing a chalice. While you run your tongue up and down his shaft he takes off his hoodie and T-shirt to reveal his beautifully defined core. This turns you on and you start sucking even harder. You feel his knees buckle and get excited by the fact that soon this huge cock will be deep inside you.
When he comes you get off your knees, take off the rest of your clothes then ask him if he's hungry although you already know the answer. You take his hand and lead him down the corridor to your bedroom. There, you climb onto the bed and place the bowl of chocolate covered strawberries beside you. You take one out and place it in your mouth, savouring the taste of the strawberry and chocolate mixed with the taste of him. Then you place another once between your legs, rub it on your clit, immersing it in your juices and place it in his mouth. You do this with a few more strawberries, rubbing them on all your erogenous zones then watching him lick them off. You are in ecstasy, you can't take the teasing any more and he can tell. He takes the bowl of strawberries from you and places it back on the dresser. He then removes the splifftail from behind his ear and lights it on a candle, puffs on it twice, hands it you then dives into your pussy head first, like a man on a mission. His tongue is moving in all directions as he sucks and nibbles on your clit while moving one finger in and out of your wetness. You arch your back and blow a puff of smoke in the air as you feel yourself creaming all over his face.
He emerges from in-between your legs, takes the splifftail from you and kisses you deeply as you spread your legs wide; ready to receive him. You fight the urge to scream out 'At Last' as you anticipate his entry.
Then he looks at you and says, "No. We can't do this..."
***
The letter Y seems to reverberate off the ceiling and walls. "Yes We Can" is what you want to say but it feels too cliche. He tries the climb off of you but you grip him between your thighs, like a vice. You tackle and eventually flip him over onto his back. Then you tell him that there's no problem that coitus between friends can't fix as you gently slip the rubbers onto his dick. He is strong and it's a struggle to keep him still while slipping his dick deep inside your warm space. As you slide him inside of you you give him a small squeeze and you see his left eye roll back into his head. He grabs your ass as you slowly roll and grind on top of him. You move his right hand to your breast so he can continue caressing your nipple while you concentrate on your slow rotation on his john.
Then the bucking and rolling begins and before you even notice, he's done. Apparently he COULD do it. Really quickly. You feel him deflate inside of you so you climb off still staring in disbelief as he curls up into a ball and falls asleep, on your silk sheets. You have half a mind to wake him up and bitch slap him but to what avail? He's done and you've only just begun.
You climb out of your bed, head straight to bathroom and take a cold shower, disappointed. As you towel off you secretly hope that he only needed a little nap and by the time you return he'll be rock solid and ready to go for round two. But no, there he is, in your bed, still curled up like a fetus. You let out a sigh loud enough to wake anyone from a light sleep but he doesn't budge. OUT like a light. Admitting defeat you head back into the living room, put in the Next Friday DVD and proceed to build yourself another spliff. In dismay, you shake your head at yourself and replay his final words in your head. "We can't do this" he said. But you did and now you can't take it back.
And now, still dissatisfied, you can't help but wonder if you'll ever be able to go back to just being friends.
No benefits.
